February 21, 2010
Respect and Compromise
Respect the rights of others and require that they respect yours.
There is a set of verbal coping skills known as assertive behaviors. These behaviors which occupy a middle range on behavioral continuum run from aggressive on one end, to passive on the other. People who behave aggressively trample on the rights of others, and generally get paid back for their behavior. Passive individuals put the rights of others before their own and end up feeling angry and resentful at themselves and others.
Assertive individuals are effective in interpersonal situations because they have a high sense of their own self-worth and they appreciate the personal significance of others. An assertive behavior includes direct eye contact, erect posture, a level and well-modulated tone of voice that is convincing without being intimidating, and a message with honest content.
According to a psychologist, “There are several techniques which will aid you in being assertive. The first is called broken record. Just as the name suggests, you repeat your comments in a calm voice until the person begins to believe you mean what you are saying.”
A second technique which works well when you are being criticized, is known as fogging. Criticism and guilt are two of the great manipulators and when faced with criticism, we just naturally tend to deny it become defensive of counter-attack. An important element of assertiveness is the ability to cope with errors without being devastated with criticism. Being able to assertively accept things which are negative about yourself is negative assertion.
Finally workable compromise is a ways of finding a solution which is acceptable to both parties and where no one’s rights are compromised.
Use of “I” Statements Versus “You” Statements
When someone says you’ve made a mistake or that you are responsible for some undesirable happening to him or her, your instinctive response is defense. Others responds in the same manner. Or, when you send a “you” message where you want other people to implement, it’s natural for them to resist that change, because it wasn’t their idea.
A technique for communicationg your convern about a situation to another without evoking a defensive response or resistance to change is to use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Central to the concept of the I message is that the sender is being honest and direct in communiting wants or desires. The sender takes ownership of his or her feelings or of the problem. The concept of problem ownership is important.
The “I” message has three components: a brief description of the behavior you find unacceptable, a statement of your feeling and the specific effect of the.behavior on you. Describing the effects of the behavior provides the receiver your reasons for wanting the behavior changed.
“I” messages are very powerful technique for communication without confrontation, but they don’t work 100 percent of the time. Sometimes, it comes necessary to shift gears and move to a listening mode.
Rose flores martinez, 2010
http://rfvietnamrose09.blogspot.com
Respect and Compromise
Respect the rights of others and require that they respect yours.
There is a set of verbal coping skills known as assertive behaviors. These behaviors which occupy a middle range on behavioral continuum run from aggressive on one end, to passive on the other. People who behave aggressively trample on the rights of others, and generally get paid back for their behavior. Passive individuals put the rights of others before their own and end up feeling angry and resentful at themselves and others.
Assertive individuals are effective in interpersonal situations because they have a high sense of their own self-worth and they appreciate the personal significance of others. An assertive behavior includes direct eye contact, erect posture, a level and well-modulated tone of voice that is convincing without being intimidating, and a message with honest content.
According to a psychologist, “There are several techniques which will aid you in being assertive. The first is called broken record. Just as the name suggests, you repeat your comments in a calm voice until the person begins to believe you mean what you are saying.”
A second technique which works well when you are being criticized, is known as fogging. Criticism and guilt are two of the great manipulators and when faced with criticism, we just naturally tend to deny it become defensive of counter-attack. An important element of assertiveness is the ability to cope with errors without being devastated with criticism. Being able to assertively accept things which are negative about yourself is negative assertion.
Finally workable compromise is a ways of finding a solution which is acceptable to both parties and where no one’s rights are compromised.
Use of “I” Statements Versus “You” Statements
When someone says you’ve made a mistake or that you are responsible for some undesirable happening to him or her, your instinctive response is defense. Others responds in the same manner. Or, when you send a “you” message where you want other people to implement, it’s natural for them to resist that change, because it wasn’t their idea.
A technique for communicationg your convern about a situation to another without evoking a defensive response or resistance to change is to use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. Central to the concept of the I message is that the sender is being honest and direct in communiting wants or desires. The sender takes ownership of his or her feelings or of the problem. The concept of problem ownership is important.
The “I” message has three components: a brief description of the behavior you find unacceptable, a statement of your feeling and the specific effect of the.behavior on you. Describing the effects of the behavior provides the receiver your reasons for wanting the behavior changed.
“I” messages are very powerful technique for communication without confrontation, but they don’t work 100 percent of the time. Sometimes, it comes necessary to shift gears and move to a listening mode.
Rose flores martinez, 2010
http://rfvietnamrose09.blogspot.com
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